Turkey Day Tip #1
Don't go to the grocery the day before Thanksgiving. I almost had to kick some housefrau ass to get canned pumpkin and apples. [My contribution for tomorrow is a pumpkin-apple pie. I decided to save a bunch of time and buy ready made crusts, that homemade shit is annoying to make.]

Turkey Day Tip #2
Don't go to the liquor store the day before Thanksgiving. Almost as crowded as the grocery, but not quite as bad. I didn't feel the need to kick any ass to get my bottles of Beaujolais. But it was still annoying.

Turkey Day Tip #3
Avoid anything remotely family-related. The best Thanksgiving I ever had was last year when I spent the whole day and night driving from Atlanta to Rochester by myself. (in 14.5 hours) Good times.

Turkey Day Tip #4
If you aren't able to avoid any family entanglements, be the really drunk relative that sits in a dark room and ignores everyone. Or volunteer to run to the store frequently to get the "forgotten items." This will let you be gone for hours while search for "any place that was open." You can actually combine the 2 methods and you'll be all set.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Here's the reason I moved from Atlanta to Rochester. It was so pretty this morning. And it's snowing now. It's the time of year to start using words like "slickery," and expressions like "black ice." I want to go sledding.

My downstairs neighbors are having some sort of free form jazz hippie reggae music jam. There's a guy who doesn't know how to play the bass, another stoner banging on the bongos and some reggae playing on the stereo. And it's LOUD. I don't mind loud music, but I'm not a big fan of the free-form reggae musical exploration that is going on down there. It's like the new version of Spinal Tap in the movie, but without the witty brits. I guess they might be getting me back for the too loud not hippie music that I listen to. Let's see how they like a little Too Fast for Love in the morning at full volume...

Here's a Thanksgiving story. I cooked a turkey one year, because the place where I was working bought turkeys for everyone. I was 22 and I look at this turkey like, "Why are you giving me a turkey? My parents usually take care of this shit." It was frozen so I kept it on my desk next to me and named him Chester. My job was pretty boring and lonely at the time so I talked to it all day like it was a pet. When it came time for me to cook the bastard, I felt sort of bad. I shouldn't have named him. It's silly, but my advice would be don't name your turkey.

And the obligatory Thanksgiving link. Gobble gobble.

Tons of entries go by, and no one comments. I have a few drinks one night and decide to add a couple of posts and then, people comment, and now I feel bad if I go back and 86 the posts. So I decided to leave them up. They will serve as a warning for the next time I am feeling inspired after drinking my weight in beer. Kind of like the empty can of ant spray I left in the window as a warning to the big black damn carpenter ants. And I never saw another ant.

Actually, I think the attitude I get from happily coupled people is all in my mind. I think that in my head I need to create drama around me so I go and read way too much into things, thinking I need to defend my lifestyle because I'm not really all that secure in my personal choices. Maybe I need to be more extreme in my singleness and be the biggest single person ever. Go out with dozens of different boys every week. Vacation with exotic strangers in tropical locations. Wear fabulously fashionable stylish clothing all the time. Diet and exercise excessively. [wait, that one sounds like it sucks] Do things along those lines. So when I'm 43 or so, over-tan, heavily in debt from all the fabulous clothes, living on the beach with my beach dog, I can look back and think, yeah, maybe I never got married, but I was the most singlest person ever.

Tonight's posts make no sense. I have a feeling they are going to get shitcanned tomorrow when I sober up.

Why is there a Julia Roberts weekend on NBC? And what makes it a weekend? The last time I checked a weekend was Saturday and Sunday, not Sunday night and Monday night. And, after about 8 on Sunday night, it ceases to be the weekend for me. Unless I'm out drinking. But that's not tonight. And why does it bother me. I think I'm just cranky because I'm frustrated with boys in general and a Julia Roberts romantic comedy crap fest is the last thing I need to see right now.

Am I a bad evil person if I just want to avoid all the holidays coming up? Can I just not be around happy family couple people who constantly ask if I'm involved with anyone or getting married anytime soon? And then when I say no, I get a sympathetic nod of pity and sometimes a condescendingly offered comment to the effect of, "don't worry, the right guy will come along someday for you..." Is it so hard for married people to believe that it is entirely possible to be single and happy? Maybe I really enjoy my dinners of slim jims, ice cream and corona. Ha ha. If I was married, I'd have to give that up and do stuff like eat in the kitchen at a table and close the bathroom door and hang up my coat in the closet. Who wants to do that? HA!

Sometimes I start to worry about my level of maturity. I scored a power splat the last time I played. Yeah, I rock.

This has been a pretty good week so far. My access class was 2 days long. [That translates into 2 days of not having to make up shit for my timesheet] The instructor was good, and I met some cool people there. Good times. I got back to work today, there were donuts, Vyvyan's still very metal, I'm getting some Taco Bell for lunch and it's warm outside. Life is good.

Thanks to metafilter, I'll be on gigposters for a while. I only wish they had some for sale.

The name is pretty cool, but I don't think I'd be into actually eating it. Too much fowl meat... braawww-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!! Turducken, it's really fowl.

Yeah, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic. Good times. This makes me want to get a bunch of people together and play us some drunken Smear the Queer. But, we'll probably have to call it something else, now that we're all older and wiser. Well, older anyway.

I am K.R.I.S.O.B.I.: Kinetic Robotic Individual Skilled in Online Battle and Infiltration. That sounds pretty cool. Or I could be K.R.I.S.: Knight Responsible for Infiltration and Sabotage. Sabotage is fun. Good times.

HA! I was number 3 in the search for "flourescent orange vomit." And apparently I spelled fluorescent wrong. Oops.

Have I mentioned that AoTC at IMAX freaking rocks? I saw it again for the second time on the REALLY BIG screen and it is so cool. And as an added benefit, that frolicking in the fields scene was cut out. Ug, that was awful.

This animated series might be worth checking out. As long as it wasn't cheesy, I would probably dig it. Well, now I can chalk up another reason why I'm single. :)

Your past life diagnosis:


I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Spain around the year 1350. Your profession was that of a banker, usurer, moneylender or judge.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life: As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation: Your task is to learn determination and persistency. You should not allow to let misfortunes take influence on your strong will.

Ug. Countdown to the dentist. I have to leave in 17 minutes. Ug. I hate going to the dentist. But on the good side, this should be the last of it for a while. Until I get my wisdom teeth out sometime in the near future. Ug. There was also talk of crowns. Ug. This is not good news. Ug. I hate going to the dentist. On the bright side, if it goes well today, I'll be able to get home early. But my face will be all puffy and I won't want to go anywhere. Tradeoff, I guess. Ug.

This is good too. What, you say? No commentary on why I think it's good? No insightful clever funny witty remark? Nope. If you want clever and witty, you've come to the wrong place my friend. Too bad. Click the link... click the link... click it!

Maybe my problem is that I don't know how to dance Goth enough...

I swear to god, this has got to be the last time I quit smoking. This moodiness will be the end of me. I am in such a foul foul foul rotten foul mood right now. Everyone is pissing me off. I've just about had it with lots of things. (Such a vague reference.) On the positive side, Vyvyan made it through the night, proving that he is "very metal." The true test will be the weekend.

I finally got a beta fish for my desk at work. I named him Vyvyan. It was either Vyvyan, Lazlo or Smuckers. I decided to go with Vyvyan, because then I could attach the phrase "very metal" to all references. Good times. Vyv's cool so far. I hope he survives and is happy here on the desk. Here's a photo.

Man I am tired today. Guess I stayed up too late getting hosed in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit last night. I can't believe the questions that I missed. If it wasn't for not knowing who invited Princess Leia for "some refreshments," I think the game would've been mine. For some reason I said Jabba, when everybody knows it was Lando. Jeez, I totally suck. I think I'll shift the blame to the margaritas that I was drinking. **cough**At least I didn't think that Admiral Ackbar was in ESB.**cough** ;)

Wow! The hottest guy ever just walked into the building downstairs. He works for UPS. [lecherous] He can deliver me a package anytime. heh heh heh [/lecherous] I have no idea what that is supposed to mean. I should go to the Lechery School for the Innuendo-Challenged or something.

WTF??!!??? Ok, I'm not a fan of Marilyn Manson, but I am a big fan of Tim Skold. What the hell is he doing? His website even points to MMs. It's like he never even exsisted. I have to go and find his solo CD. That shit rocked.

Just decided that I'm going to form a band. Stylistically it's going to be a cross between Motley Crüe and the Ramones. I'm going to call it Röckhörns!, and we are going to soooo freaking rock out with our cock out! (figuratively) Ok, I'm off to go and learn the bass, guitar and some drums. Oh and sing, too. I'm so psyched, now I have a job for my alter-ego.

By day, she's a disgruntled, burnt out office drone in a dead end job with no future...
But by night, she's a rock star in the most fabulously rocking band ever, RÖCKHÖRNS!

I can't remember how I came across this site. Probably some sort of weird chain of blogs. I want to send it to some friends, but some of them might be having babies soon, and I don't want to take a chance that I might offend them. If I ever have kids, I'm going to give them names like Jack or Ellen. Basic simple blah names. The shit people come up with is just so silly.

Or maybe I'll go the Bib Fortuna or Lyn Me route. I am kind of partial to Momaw Nadon. Or if I have a girl, I could always name her Britney Fox. That sounds kind of pretty.

[edited because I remembered how I found the site: I started my daily journey over at BoyKani, who linked to Rachel, who had the link to the awful baby name site. This is starting to sound a bit bible-ish. What with all the begatting and linking and stuff... Well, I'm off to go and begat some of my own... Happy Begatting!!!]

Dear Rat Bastard-Scumbag-Piece of Shit-Waste of Life-Fucking Douche Bag,

Thank you for smashing my driver's side window Thursday night. It was very thoughtful of you. I got a day off of work while I talked to the police department and insurance people and waited for my friend Matt from Flower City glass to come and fix my window.

And I REALLY appreciate this happening just 2 months after the last window smashing.

Just for your own personal knowledge... If a car has a bunch of hair band cassette tapes on the passenger side seat, there's a pretty good chance there is nothing worth stealing in the car, you stupid piece of shit.

I hope the 17 cents that you got was worth it you piece of shit scumbag loser.

Love, krisobi

This is the last switch parady I'll post for now. Pretty funny, and the monkey noises make my dog perk up her ears.